“I stayed because of my children”

“I stayed because of my children” – One of the many lies women in abusive relationship tell themselves.

NO!!!  You stayed because you were selfish, because if you think of your children you will take them away from a toxic environment. You should Leave because of your children.  Do you know the psychological effect it will have on those children? if you stay in an unhappy marriage, your life is at risk, the children are at risk and the family may become dysfunctional.

Divorce is highly stigmatised in Nigeria. If the woman should consider divorce, she will face criticism from her family and friends, they would blame her for destroying her family. As such many women remain in unhappy marriages as it is the belief that it is a woman who keeps the home.

Now, Mercy Aigbe is probably richer that her husband, and can provide for herself and her kids, so I’m not understanding when she says she stayed for her children.  You see, this is what happens when you live in a society that believes that the pride and dignity of a woman is being able to keep a MAN. They will say, “A wise woman builds her home but the foolish one pulls it down with her hands”, meaning it is a woman that keeps the home. Me, I wonder what the man does oh!!

So when a marriage fails, blame the woman. Nigerian women can carry that verse like bread on their heads. They don’t realize that it was written by men.  Didn’t two people agree to get married, so why place the responsibility of making the marriage succeed on the woman?

She said just wanted a home. No, you shouldn’t just want a home. You should want to create a conducive and stable environment where you and your kids can thrive; and you can do that without that monster being in the picture.

On why she wants to leave now, she said: It’s not like she wanted to walk away but she just felt like they need help. She was just going to move out for some time while her husband seeks therapy. She also said maybe if he was remorseful, maybe she would have stayed. Hian!!! Na wa oh!! You suffered a fractured skull, you are still coughing and sneezing blood after three weeks, i hope you are not considering going back to the man who did this to you. He beats and cheats on you constantly yet you are thinking of going back to him after he seeks therapy? For crying out loud, this man almost killed you. What if he doesn’t change? You are the scapegoat that wants to go and check if he has changed? You will just gamble your life away for nothing.

On her husband being detained: My husband was in detention for over seven months and I never left him or go anywhere. Why would I want to go now? Erm, because if you don’t go now, you could die, as in cease to exist. 

I saw comments from people cursing her out her for reporting and locking up the abusive husband; she should not have sent her husband to prison, she should think of their children and all other bullcrap. I am baffled when i see such comments coming  from women. Did the man consider all that before he almost killed her.

Anyway, I will not be surprised if after a couple of weeks she puts a picture of both of them with the #pepperdem. Na so we be….

Read excerpts from the interview below:

About the beating and why she stayed: He beats me consistently I stayed because I loved him and because every time he beats me, he begs and gets family and friends to beg me. He promised regularly to change but he never did. When my husband gets angry, he gets physical, not only to me but to anyone. He has done that with my house help who reported him to the Police years ago. I stayed because of my children and because a lot of people look up to me. I was a role model of some sort and I really wanted to keep it together. I just wanted a home.

Why she wants to leave now: It’s not like I wanted to walk away but I just feel like we need help. I spoke to my husband’s brother about it. I told him I was going to pack out for some time while my husband seeks therapy. I just wanted to feel safe, that is why I moved my things out. This last beating was brutal. I actually thought I was going to die. I’m still coughing and sneezing blood even after three weeks.

Husband Was Sleeping with a Girl: Aigbe also revealed that the last incident started few days before when she discovered that her husband was sleeping with a lady. A lady she claimed to be her friend whom she was close to. This was a regular attitude from her husband; a man she claims has slept with a lot of people close to her, even her PAs. He confronted him and it led to a huge argument which was turning violent before she had to keep quiet. –

On her husband being detained: My husband was in detention for over seven months and I never left him or go anywhere. Why would I want to go now? He says all this is make-up. He is not showing any form of remorse and still sponsoring lies against me.

**Culled from Broadwayafrica.com**

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